Our class on December 7 will be the final class of your career at Rhode Island College. I bet some of you thought this day would never come (could college last any longer?), and others of you might be sad to see this day here (but I don't want to go be a grown-up!). I wonder where your thoughts are--about college, about RIC, about your program of study, about reaching a big goal--as you get ready to attend your final class as an undergraduate student. Share your end-of-college-days sentiments with us here, as you complete your last class assignment on the blog.
Wow, so much going on in my head! People kept telling me that the end would truly come and I would just laugh, all the while thinking I will never be done. Now that it is here it is strangely anti-climactic. I had a rough day today (probably the roughest so far) and I almost broke down into tears. My first student walk out and first parent call (not even on the walk out girl but another who has been plaguing me since the beginning of the year) and first almost emotional collapse. I realized something as I was walking down the hallway, alone and full of tears, I HAVE REALLY MADE IT!! It is so strange because I was so sad but I knew that this was a first of many things to come. I was thinking of how I could prevent this from happening again the next time and then I realized that I am truly thinking like this is my future! Then I thought about all the support that I have (especially from the fabulous core women in my life right now and you know who you are) and I feel like I am TRULY blessed! I know that this is an emotional post but I feel like this whole experience has been emotional in so many extremes. The journey has been so hard for me (especially with my procrastination problem) and yet I have been helped and encouraged along the way by you Dr. Cook and all you other fabulous women in so many ways. I don't think that I have ever felt so believed in if that makes sense and hell even if it doesn't. There was never any room for failure as it just was not an option and I've never been privy to that feeling before. I have by no means done this by myself and my degree will truly reflect all of the struggles and triumphs that we have all encountered over this time. I will accept it with pride and look forward to my teaching journey and when i am feeling unsure (which I will a lot) I will think of all of you and how strong you made me and I will be able to spread that strength around. It is the end and it is the beginning and I am ready to end and ready to begin!! I will never forget this time in my life and will always wish great things for all of you!!
ReplyDeleteI would like to leave my last post with:
OUT like a lamb! Rock out! Peacefrog! Its not your fault! Thank god its raining so we can drink! HAHA!! BYE!
The strongest emotion I feel these days is anxiety. I'm anxious about school ending because I love taking classes and talking about literature, movies, art, and even philosophy. It's going to feel weird to me not being in school anymore, after being in classrooms for 17 years! I won't know what to do with myself! I'm definitely going to find a job, maybe subbing, but I haven't decided, since I may move out of state (my boyfriend wants to visit other states and scout out a new place to live). I'm all for moving - I was born in the same town that I've lived in for 22 years - and I'm looking forward to seeing what other opportunities await me out of Rhode Island. I'll miss school, but it will be exciting to explore the world of "being a grown-up" and getting paid to do what I love. I do like the work I'm doing at Warwick Vets, and I love my tutoring job. I guess I'm just uncertain of what will happen next, and I've never been unsure about what I want to do. I want to teach in an environment that feels comfortable and warm. I want to really help students see the beauty of words (I was just looking over part of Act V of Macbeth and I found a lovely passage about the brevity of life being like a candle, acting on a stage, "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing"). This semester has certainly been the most challenging in all of college, even more than when I was writing my thesis and taking three or four other classes. It's been difficult trying to balance active learning with reading and comprehension. I want to be a good teacher, and I want the students to love reading and writing. Loving reading and writing may be a high ideal, but I would like students to feel what I feel inside (which is hard for me to show on the outside).
ReplyDeleteI'll miss tutoring, and I'll miss my co-workers. When others have graduated, I felt sad that they were leaving. I cried a little because they were a great bunch of people. I still talk to many of them, and I'm glad that we could still keep in touch. I love our class, and I love all of you. I'm going to miss everyone, and I want to stay in touch. Here's to the end of a semester but the beginning of a brand new life.
Wow, Nicole and Laura. Talk about pulling out all the stops at the end! These two posts are poetic and raw and beautiful, and I am carrying the gracious and generous spirit that I see demonstrated here into my long day of teaching. Thank you for these beautiful thoughts on this sunny (finally!) winter's day.
ReplyDeleteI really don’t know how to feel about ending my final semester at RIC and want to echo Laura’s idea: “It's going to feel weird to me not being in school anymore, after being in classrooms for 17 years!” I’m SO EXCITED to not be a student anymore (for the near future, anyway) and to not have to sit in an uncomfortable desk to take notes, or pretend like my stomach isn’t growling throughout a 2 hour class, or write papers about books I don’t necessarily love. I’ve never NOT been in school so, as I near the end, I’m picturing the last 17 years of my life as having been in some kind of jungle and now I’m finally going to be leaving the jungle and entering open air – it’s exciting!
ReplyDeleteAnd terrifying! Everybody has a variety of things that they’re good at in this life and one of mine is being a student – I don’t want to sound arrogant but I know that I am so good at this whole school game. We’ve talked about how certain kids never learn how to work the system of school so that they can fully succeed, but I’ve known how to play this game well since kindergarten. I don’t mean that I’m really good at English, math, science, or history – I’m simply good at being a student. Now, I’m going to be moving away from something I know I can do well and into something I’m still nervous and unsure about. Even through all of the good moments I’ve had as a student teacher, I wonder if I’ll get a job and then realize I really suck at this and the last 4 years will have been a waste of my time.
I’m also so sad that I’m not going to be in constant communication with the magnificent 7+1. I’ve gotten so close to the Nicoles and Jill through our placement together that I don’t know how I’m going to transition to not seeing them at least 3 hours a day. They’ve helped me so much in the classroom and in my life that I am scared to leave them! Without their support, I might just stumble and never get back up! I also am so grateful for getting to come to seminar every week and share my experiences with Tracy, Laura, Amanda, and Dr. Cook. It would have been easy to become wrapped up in the small dramas of student teaching without these voices of reason – being able to talk to people who don’t know the students I’m talking about or every detail of my day has really helped me put everything into perspective.
I’m sure I’ll cry at our last class (I was so close to crying when Lanni left us for the middle school on a Friday…and I was going to see her again on Tuesday…) because I’m going to miss you all so much but, because life is, after all, just a mixed up bag of crap and magic, I’m also so happy to have been able to share in such a momentous life experience with all of you.
As I'm looking at these posts, I'm about ready to cry!
ReplyDeleteI know, Laura…I’m getting Veklempt… talk amongst yourselves......
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, I am experiencing some bitter sweet emotions as we approach the end of our journey here at RIC. I have really enjoyed being a student at RIC! I feel at home there! I know I’m a geek, but I really love school. But, I guess I’m not really leaving school behind, just checking that first degree off of my list. Afterall, I do aspire to be Dr. Waring someday in the very distant future!
RIC will always hold a special place for me! I have made some great friends, both through classes and at the co-op preschool! I am going to miss seeing everyone on a weekly basis and being able to pop into the co-op every once-in-a-while, while on campus. I really hope we all stick together and make it a priority to get together from time-to-time. I have grown so much, as a teacher and as a person, during the last couple of years, and you have all been a part of that! Dr. Cook, I remember fondly your Writing class and leaving that class every week feeling excited about writing, teaching writing, and a whole bunch of other stuff! I couldn’t wait until I could be in one of your classes again, and I am so happy that I was able to spend the last year learning with your guidance! Nichole Lach, I will never forget the drama that we went through together, taking it to the edge with Praxis and our results! I am proud of both of us (old folks) for finally accomplishing this milestone in our lives! Jill, I remember teaching my very first lesson to real students with you back in 407! It was one of the only cool things that we got out of that class! We’ve come a long way, haven’t we! No more shaking with nerves at the thought of talking in front of a room full of teenagers!! Lanni, I’ll always remember how you brought such a youthful and fun energy to our class every week! (And if it wasn’t for you, Nichole, I still wouldn’t know the difference between “out” and “out-out!”) Kathryn, you are my “adventure hero!” I use to have big adventures, like cross-country trips and spontaneous month-long excursions! You are inspiring because you see life as a series of adventures every day, and that is so cool! So thanks for that! And I think you should write a post on your blog about your student-teaching adventure! Laura and Mandy, I loved getting the chance to share the experience of student-teaching at Vets with both of you! Laura, I loved watching you grow from timid Laura to a teacher with a voice across the hall from me! I will always get a kick out of picturing your minivan decorated into the “Super-Hero Bus” to transport the “Magnificant Seven” all over RI to wherever students need us! And Mandy, I know this hasn’t been easy, being a newcomer into our group and having a less than ideal student-teaching experience; but, I am glad to have gotten to know you over this last semester! I will cherish the “Recharge the Bard” memories forever, even if we can’t yet figure out how to pull of those amazing ideas with our real students, YET! That was such a fun time!! Try to hold on to that energy and realize the rest will come with time and practice!
Well, sorry to get all sappy on you!! I didn’t mean for my post to go this way……but you women are all so important to me! You are all so smart and so fun to be around!!
I am excited to see where we all go from here. We should totally just start our own school………just putting that out there………
I am feeling wicked sentimental and nostalgic and weepy, too. This coming week is all about endings, and that makes me sad. But, when I remember that life is a mixed-up bag of crap and magic, I remember that the amazing run we've had together--and we've laughed A TON--totally outweighs and outshines the bittersweetness of parting ways as students-and-teacher. And, I love Tracy's idea: Out Like a Lamb Charter School
ReplyDeleteOne last teacher-y idea. If you can manage to dig up the poem we read in Practicum, "For Julia, In the Deep Water," you might find it really, really relevant to where you find yourselves at this point in time.
Two weeks of school to go, folks! See you out in your classrooms this week!
I cut and pasted this from the internet...Enjoy!
ReplyDeleteFor Julia, in Deep Water
The instructor we hire
because she does not love you
Leads you into the deep water,
The deep end
Where the water is darker—
Her open, encouraging arms
That never get nearer
Are merciless for your sake.
You will dream this water always
Where nothing draws nearer,
Wasting your valuable breath
You will scream for your mother—
Only your mother is drowning
Forever in the thin air
Down at the deep end.
She is doing nothing,
She never did anything harder.
And I am beside her.
I am beside her in this imagination.
We are waiting
Where the water is darker.
You are over your head,
Screaming, you are learning
Your way toward us,
You are learning how
In the helpless water
It is with our skill
We live in what kills us.
—John N. Morris
Okay...I have been trying to write this blogpost for days...ever since I goofed on Nicole Lachapelle when she told me that she got all emotional while writing hers... So, I've spent all week thinking about what I wanted to say, trying to not get too sappy. Yeah, that's probably not gonna work--you should probably get out your hankies!
ReplyDeleteI am really excited for the end of this whole student-teaching experience, but really it's only because I need to get a job and some money if I want to continue to live in my apartment! In actuality, I am really sad about being done because I know that it means that I won't be seeing my two very good friends each and every day! Nor will I see the other women who have been my support system for the past 3 semesters, who got to know me better than some of my oldest friends, on a weekly basis. This is been on my mind for a while now, and I've been pushing it out because I just can't deal with it until after my last observation, after my last day of teaching...maybe if I don't think about it, it will go away.
Also, while I am ready to get out into the world and start imparting wisdom on today's youth, I am scared to death of going into any school other than North Providence! I am definitely the type of person who likes to be comfortable in her work environment, and I am very comfortable at NPHS...the thought of applying elsewhere isn't appealing, but I know I have to if I want to land a real, non-subbing job. Maybe Kathryn and the Nicoles will get jobs there (wherever "there" happens to be) too...
On that note, I would like to thank Dr. Cook for creating the "four-headed monster" at North Providence (and yes, I know Lanni has been gone for weeks now, but she is there in spirit--isn't she, girls?) Without our daily pow-wows in our freezing cold tundra-like "office," I never would have made it through this experience! I love the way we bounce ideas off each. And the way Kathryn knows that I just need to think out loud, and while it may seem like I am asking her questions, she knows that if she continues to not answer me for long enough I will answer myself. I love that Nicole Lach knows that I can tune her out the way a man would, but also knows that I will be there to listen when she really needs it! And Lanni...I love that we still text each other throughout the day even though she is miles away in N. Scituate! Oh, and I love that Nicole Lach and I are leaving this experience with little "MINI-MEs!"
I will miss you guys like crazy...and I too, like Tracy, hope that we can get together every so often...for support, for fun, for drinkin'! I know that we'll all have a whole bunch of crap and magic to talk about...and really, who's going to understand that better than any of us!?!
You folks are brilliant writers. Amazing post, Jill. Thank you so much. Happy, proud thoughts on this relaxing Sunday at home.
ReplyDeleteI feel relieved to be nearing the end of this experience. I wish I'd gotten more time to know all of you and to share all the 'firsts' along the way; I thought my independence would guide me, but I see now that collaboration brings me sanity - it brings me outside the knot of thoughts that loop around my brain. Talking it out helps braid all those crazy strands :-) I also wish I had taken the opportunity to observe other teachers more consistently, and earlier in my time at Vets. I plan to spend a good portion of January observing teachers I trust and respect and learning from them, reinstating some of that idealism that I've dropped underfoot in an effort to just get the job done.
ReplyDeleteI am more frustrated by this experience than I was willing to accept, but I believe that it's just a greater opportunity to learn.
I think my only true regret is not seeking out more influences in my student teaching experience. Influences from all of you and from other capable teachers at my school. I felt very isolated in my co-teaching experience, and I know that much of that falls on my own shoulders; these past weeks it's been wonderful to share experiences with Laura, and I've gotten some great ideas from even cursory discussions on activities. I will miss each of you and I do hope we stay in touch. I know I fell into the group a little late, and I've really been feeling like I missed out on your shared consciousness, but you have all been very accepting and eager to welcome me into the group! I never thought that camaraderie was an important part of this experience, but I feel that for growth and support, it may be essential. I thank you all for listening to me vent over these months and for sharing your inspiring tales. I feel privileged to have been part of such an intelligent, enthusiastic, and resilient bunch of women.